Jennifer's Journal

le-traumatisme:

Anxious, trying to keep busy, busy myself, busy my mind, think about the container, the container you put it all in, and then you close the lid and put it back up on the shelf. There it is, the container, you can see it, you can visualize it sitting there, existing, but you can’t see in, you only see thick walls. You know what’s inside but you aren’t thinking about that, because remember, you’re busying your mind. Lots of things to do, lots and lots. You can sit here and tap your fingers, or make lists, or get up and clean things, organize, prepare for the next day when you’re back out in the world that doesn’t stop. You could talk to people, talk fast, don’t let the conversation lull, keep always on your toes, just keep moving forward, and checking that container. Always checking to make sure it’s staying sealed nice and tight. Check, check, check. Go, go, go. Hum to yourself, fill the empty space, the silence, move back and forth, scratch your head, feel yourself scratching your head, giggle because scratching is such a funny sensation. And revel in it, revel in the fact that you appear to be going completely insane because in reality this madness is much more preferable to those dark still moments when everything stops and the container breaks open.

Source: le-traumatisme