Jennifer's Journal

Specturm of beauty

I posted this on my favorite trans support site earlier today. Thought it was nice but there aren’t as many people there who identify as queer in addition to trans.

I can’t stand how I’m always attacked about my gender expression. With my family it’s constantly been questioning my gender identity due to the fact that I fit in well as a guy. I am 100% rational about this and know my gender identity is female, and I’ve been open and honest with my GT. Too femme for some people, too much of a duder for others (lol@how oppositional sexism rears its ugly head in varied ways, amirite?). My gender identity is clear, my dysphoria hurts more than a non trans person could possibly understand. I used to think I was bigendered - the idea was that I was comfortable with a female body and mind but male oriented expression. It’s crazy how clear it should have always been to me now… I mean I actually studied some gender psychology in college. As you all know, when you’re the one suffering it’s hard to be rational.

After I realized that gender expression and identity are separate it was clear I am a transsexual. It’s hard enough for people to treat me as a human after they find out but ironically I find them having more trouble swallowing the fact that I’m not much femme. There is a huge rise of people who go over the top in expressing queerness. I know this because it’s how I relate also, it’s my own backlash, my middle fingered “leave me alone.” So. Don’t let anyone question your gender expression. Whether you love cute dresses, pantyhose and heels or t-shirt, jeans and cherry red kicks. Whether you crush on boys or girls or both. Be yourself. Don’t let other people try to tell you how this should affect your personal gender identity. As a MTF transsexual we all have one thing in common: we are women before we are trans. Be proud of yourself - don’t let people get to you - because, seeing that you’re finally awesome enough to be on this site, you already have something beautiful to fight for.

♥ you, my sisters…