Jennifer's Journal

Was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I never understood how people could really let anxiety, stress, or depression just basically ruin them. I can honestly say that I now fully understand exactly what they meant. Living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder is like living in Hell. You get so panicked for a period of time; shortness of breath, heart beating through your chest, the feeling like an elephant is sitting on your chest, you chest and arms burning, face flushing like you’re embarrassed, getting so sick to your stomach that you could throw up, headaches from hell, tingly fingers, becoming frightened and wanting to leave, bawling your eyes out; all in this short period of time. Then, once your panics are over, you become absolutely exhausted. All you want to do is crawl into a deep dark hole, away from anyone and anything, and just die. Sleep. A state of depression. Fuck everyone, fuck everything. “Why do I have to live this way?” Repeat mantras in your head like: “Emily, calm down. Emily there’s no reason for you to be feeling this way. You’re working yourself up. Calm down. Breathe.” Keep repeating the breathing exercises like the counselor said: “Keep your diaphragm flat, only breathe with your abdomen. In, slowly through your nose, be sure not to move your chest. Out, slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breathing. Calm.”

Whether you care or not. I feel really scared, guys. Terrified of everything. Dreading everything.

I just want to be happy again. “Just give it time. It will get better. I promise.”

Yeah. I hope so.

Source: whileyouresleeping